A LETTER TO ME!

Baby girl in me,

I'm sorry I hadn't written you before, but life gets complicated when we grow up and we aren't prepared at all to be older and to get in our own shoes. Nobody told us how many responsabilities we must take to be considered adult enough to have responsability about ourselves and others that depended on us. So we took the hard task to become adult and happy, to think in future and do not get lost in the past.

Baby girl I'm so happy that you live just next to me, considered that you always were the best part of my dreams and hopes. I know that I not always paid attention to your needs, and sometimes I even disappointed you. But you never let me down alone with my fears and tears. I never thank you enough but in silent I prayed for you didn't leave me when it was too dark to see my goals in life.  

One day you told me to never stop play with you and to enjoy every day of my life but sometimes I forgot what you told me because life got a too much serious issue to me and I could not overcome the problems and I got lost in so many crossroads and shortcuts. Nobody warned us about the dangerous of get lost when we are grown up enough to know all the way. But we never know all the way, in fact, sometimes, we only know the way when we got lost for many years.

At some point, maybe, you throught to give up of me because I weren't anymore a save place to share in this world. I lost my heart so many times, but you must know that I never lost my soul and my faith in life, neither in you, baby girl. You are so much clever than me, so much bolder...

Do you remeber that day when you told me that I must stop to blame myself about my mistakes and almost everything could be fixed with a cupcake or a good sleep? In that day you let yourself asleep beside me despite I have treated you badly and called you a young irresponsible mind that screwed my life. Do you rememeber that?

My baby girl, you were always my best friend that I could count in the bad days and in the good ones. Everything turned better when I played with you in the grass and you looked if the bad dreams went on when I felt asleep... you always got ensure if I didn't forget that life is easier if we could play and get all the fun as we can. But the truth is that I did not hear you too much times... thanks to be patient and to insist as a unforgettable music in my hears. 

When I felt in love I used to ignore you because I was jealous of you. You are so better than me, and so young...

How could I forgot that you are part of me and without you I'm only that pretentious woman who took life as a cumbersome process of powerful designs which means nothing. In the end of the day lonelyness was my best relationship with myself. Sometimes we must ending the hard task to kill old dogmas about ourselves as we killed old lovers, and reborn...   

I felt so happy when I could listen your young breathing as a summer wind through the old trees in the backyard. Everyday it's the same old song that my grandmother sang to me while she hold me and told me to have no afraid of the dark. Now I'm that young child again thanks to you, that child is you! And with you things are all right because the light in your eyes will light my long way.

Yours, timelessness...

   

Photos by Nirrimi Hakanson 

Nota: Há certos textos que escrevo directamente em inglês e que são pensados nessa lingua, pelo que a sua tradução muitas vezes não tem sentido para mim. É o caso desta carta que decidi escrever para mim própria. Há alturas quando nos sentimos meio perdidos entre o dever e as obrigações da vida, há que fazer uma paragem e falarmos connosco, ou seja, com aquela pessoa que habita em nós, mais jovem e mais leve... porque o que por vezes nos falta é uma visão diferente, uma certa leveza na interpretação dos factos que nos atormentam. Hoje precisei de falar com essa pessoa interior e para mim ela fala inglês, porque quando não habita em mim, vive em Nova Iorque e em todo o lado, pelo que tenho de falar com ela numa lingua que se quer universal. Que me desculpem os meus seguidores...